1. Spelling errors, do not quote from Wikipidia, not official source for referencing in formal writing.
2. Good distinction between visual and verbal metaphor.
3. Atomic structure ‘like’ solar system – simile – not metaphor.
4. Do not confuse symbolism with metaphor. Examples cited in Balinese traditional symbolisms are symbols, not metaphors.
5. Metaphors not evident in Kerry Hill’s layout, should illustrate with photographs.
6. Need to identify metaphorically how Purusha & Prakriti manifest themselves in both old and new Balinese spaces. Understanding of Balinese spaces now is superficial and descriptive.
7. Identify the problems / issues of the site first before implementing design solutions and selection of suitable metaphor. At the moment, issues and understanding of metaphors are equally unclear.

Ash’s comments:

The progression of examples of metaphors, from literary to 2-D to 3-D and architecture, was rather fluent and eloquent, though some given examples were incompletely explored to elicit her better understanding of metaphorical applications.
The key body of Ira’s presentation, regarding the poetics of light, was thinly dealt with just one or two metaphorical examples, More, and salient types of examples are expected to have been researched, showing understanding, before any believable and creative works can be surmounted.
The strategic approaches in application for her competition had been hastily assembled, with simply a generic wish to apply lighting design in metaphorical terms. There has to be developed an innate understanding and a particular angle secured, before any fruitful and interesting experiments can even be created.
A narrative structure of a light show may be difficult to pull off delicately, as narrative structures tend to be illustrative in results. It is suggested that to succeed as a phenomenological staging, Ira may try various indirect approaches in manifesting a time-imagery and sequence based phenomenological experience that appropriates the popular memory of viewers.