Title too long, should simplify. Also, it is not critical enough to be a thesis topical title.
2. Experience of light should have a purpose of solving a certain issue or problem in lighting design, what is it? Even a thesis on art purports to discover hitherto undiscovered phenomenologies.
3. As a thesis abstract, it should not go into case studies and details. It should provide a general but detailed outline of your thesis project.
4. The conclusion shows an understanding towards the case studies researched. However, there is still no indication of what you intend to investigate as a thesis abstract.
5. Bibliographical format for website is incorrect.

Ash’s comments:

Very interesting premises and relevant case studies of Dan Flavin, Mary Temple and Tadao Ando’s works. Attempts to read their works somehow falls short of phenomenological translations, as Ira is trying to gain a grasp of her grounds, her main angle and discretions of approach.
Her report compared to her presentation, is more consistent with her research intent, which included some sample experiments that were done to demonstrate some key ideas that she is investigating, that can be directly applicable to her studio practices.
Her conscientious aptitude is appreciated, as it is clear that she is adjusting her performance expectations over the period of the last few months.